No matter how many times

I’ve said goodbye,

It’s not long till

I forget I did.

Like the moon

Orbiting the earth;

Changing phases,

But going round and round.

How can one

Stop the ocean

From touching the shore

In waves?

I’ve been here before.

I’ve done this before.

“Just that this time,

I’m jumping off the track”

Thought this so many times,

Can’t even count on ten fingers.

Came to the other side,

Went right back around.

Time went by

And I realized,

I was just in the habit

Of going in circles,

Gravity can be defied,

And we can swim

In still waters instead.

I stopped for a second.

A few hundred goodbyes

Was more than enough.

I don’t recognize,

the things that are good, and,

the things that are bad.

I only recognize,

the things that are familiar, and,

the things that are unfamiliar.

So in the unfamiliarity,

I find anxiety of the unknown, and

In the familiarity,

I find anxiety of the known, as

they were the things

that I ran away from

So now,

Do I stick with the familiar?

Do I keep running away?

Will I ever find peace,

in just being in the present?

Will I know me? Or

Will I always need

someone else to know me?

Will I be mindful?

Will I be careful?

Will I be flailing in the wind,

like a thread-broken kite?

That morning when you gave them

They just were an addition

You had already given

So much of your heart

But I noticed that they were blue

With a white halo

Like Princess Di’s ring

That you used to talk about

Also blue,

Like our favorite color

And the saree your mom got me

It felt like you had thought this through

But my heart was already full

I felt I had everything I needed

You brought happiness with you

But now that you are not here

I’m left with two blue sapphire earrings

And I’m seeing them

For the very first time

A gesture so subtle

That wasn’t seen at first

But clear as day now

Your feelings for me

I’m sorry that I needed to be shaken

To notice even the little things

In the midst of chaos

The world was spinning around me

Tipping a hat to the time together

I look back with fondness in my heart

It wasn’t easy or perfect

But you had a part of me and I, yours

It was marshmallows and unicorns

It was rain after a year of drought

It was you, it was me

It was us against the world

Love was patient, love was kind

A little child in disguise

Drinking up all that was good

That left us empty inside

It was good that it lasted

It was good that it did not

Leaving us rejuvenated

For a while to come

I love you my friend

Forever and always

Like all my lovers

You will be remembered

It was worth it, it was right

For a moment in time it was perfect

It was us, it was us

We will always have St. Petersburg